Today’s beef has little to do with meat. Today, I take issue with HERB-ivores.

You know who I’m talking about, those friendly neighborhood stoners masquerading around your local college campus as “political activists”. In what I can see only as a concerted effort to dispel the notion that marijuana is a distraction from schoolwork, these signature-seeking “activists” have decided to target students ON THEIR WAY TO CLASS. Genius! “Got a minute for the greenz?”- “No, but I got three minutes to make it to my next class, and talking to you takes precious time away from my 30-second pre-class pee-break.”

Yesterday, I was confronted by a disheveled, albeit rather persistent pot-activist who took my first four rejections as an invitation for a fifth request. What started out as frustrated loathing of this individual, turned into a feeling of sarcastic empathy for him. After all, he was clearly passionate about his cause. As I shut him down for a fifth time, I walked away wondering how many times he had to get shut down before he got a single signature. Then I thought that if he had any signatures, I would want to meet someone who was convinced enough by the pot-prophet’s words. I mean, what could this dreadlocked weed-hawking foot soldier possibly say that would make someone go “Yep, I want to sign something that will later be used to blacklist everyone who signed it.”

Clearly the stereotype of pot-smoking college students isn’t undeserved, but most pot-smokers aren’t lining-up to sign. Even the frat bro who skipped the lecture they give every incoming freshman about posting negative information on the internet, still got the email from Facebook telling him the same thing. Then in your major classes, they warn you again about doing/signing things that will come back to haunt you when you go looking for a job. For my naïve readers out there, signing the petition being forced upon you by a guy wearing a weed leaf t-shirt is one of those actions that will come back to haunt you.  


-         What is the difference between the bible-waving, god-fearing, sex/woman/fun-hating “preacher” spewing his inflammatory rhetoric at passers-by and the ganja-loving, greasy-haired, anti-establishment hippie trying to get you to sign his green piece of paper?


-         Nothing. The only discrepancy between these two is that one of them is hooked on a “drug” that has the unwavering support of just about every member of congress (religion), and the other is hooked on a “drug” that has less, though growing support from various political institutions (marijuana). They both want your time and attention. Both hold views that the majority of their audience don’t agree with, and both have really bad hair and breath.

To be fair, the nutcases I have caricatured above have every right to keep on keepin-on. On the other hand, I’m getting tired of having to run the gauntlet of signature seekers just to go to a class I already don’t want to go to. But since I believe in the notion that all ideas should be able to be represented on college campuses, what I think these activists need is a change of tactics: 

Wanna get pot legalized? How about combing your hair and changing your shirt. Maybe I’m an elitist, but I generally have a problem signing anything being handed to me by one of Charles Manson’s grubby followers. Maybe your street-cred would go up a little bit if you lost the “I haven’t showered since the first Woodstock” look. Besides, unwashed hair with hemp and flannel clothing hasn’t been cool since Kurt Cobain ruined his with some bloodstains. As for the “God Hates Queers/All mouthy women to go to hell” Guy, God help you.